I have reached a fork in the road. One where I could continue on the road I am on, or take the other road and follow my dreams. My dreams seem impossible. They seem far and damn near impossible. When I close my eyes to go to sleep, I can feel my dreams come alive as real as wind on my face. When I drift off to sleep, I am having conversations with family and friends, living in a house I’ve never seen before, wearing pretty clothes, and laughing out loud. In my dreams, I can taste the food, and feel kisses on my lips. My silent hopes come to me in my dreams at night. For a little while, I get to live the life I dream of. My family is getting along and my friends are by my side. We are laughing until the sun begins to rise through my blinds. My dreams vanish, and I am back in reality. My stomach sinks. Last week, my friend told me I have a wild imagination. She said that the things I believe are not based on reality. I have no evidence to back up my theories, and I waste energy on what doesn’t exist. It hurt my feelings. I do have a wild imagination, but I also have discernment. After making many mistakes over the years, and making decisions that didn’t have my best interest at heart, I have injured my spirit. I stopped believing in myself. When my heart whispered to me what I needed, I ignored it. This became very evident to me when I put someone’s feelings above my own real pain. Ignoring me had become a default, and I was getting sick of myself. I was upset that others didn’t see that I needed them, when the truth is I didn’t show up for myself. I disregarded my own pain for the sake of appeasing or avoiding conflict. I’ve done this a lot in my life. Either I’d have a knee jerk reaction to pain, or I would shut down. Neither of these behaviors has yielded me much success in my life as it relates to relationships. I loved others, but forgot to love myself. The lack of love I have for myself caught up to me. I realize it is up to me, and I’m not just giving lip service. I’m sad, disappointed, but hope has returned to my heart. I daydreamed today, and saw glimpses of my dreams. I pray to God that my dreams are moving from the shadows and into daylight. I wonder what loving myself looks like. I lived my whole life concentrating on how what was going on outside affected my insides. I spent time pointing fingers or demanding love I didn’t give myself. This is a gory confession, but it’s real. I want to take the other fork in the road. I want to walk alone with God on this journey. I may have company, but I am not going to demand it anymore. If I am granted a friend as I walk down this road, I’ll thank God. If my friend needs to go on a different journey, I’ll thank God until I see them again. I’ll be okay. I fought tooth and nail because this road scares me, but I want to follow my dreams. I have to take the road less traveled. I don’t want to just get happy off of a bible verse. I am living in peace and I am living in love. I am struggling with this new walk, but I have to forgive myself because I’m learning to love me. This dream is now a reality.